@michaeldyllan: Can't believe New Zealand are introducing a new flag just as I finished memorising the old one.
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@iamburtjarvis: [moving her panties to the side] HEY MAA, I'M MAKING ROOM FOR MY LEGOS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR DRAWER.
@lawyerthoughts: Just when I think I'm 100% against the death penalty, I see a bright yellow hummer taking up two parking spots.
@AndyAsAdjective: *walking into Home Depot for 2nd time today* Back again? Forget something? -Um, you remember if I brought a kid in here with me last time?
@1_swarthy_dude: Home Depot law decrees that if two dads are pushing carts down the same isle, the dad with the greater mustache has the right of way.