@foursquids: Can't believe people still say "pot" it's not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
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@GaryJanetti: Just saw you on the beach and think you might look better in something that covers you a bit more. Like your car.
@evecullen610: I didn't have to shower alone today..... Related.......why the hell are there spiders in the winter?
@realHamOnWry: Two men came to the door asking if I'd found Jesus. I had no idea he was missing and I suddenly got nervous thinking I might be a suspect.
@HatfieldAnne: Life Lessons from the Petting Zoo: -Everything bites -So much pushing -Did you bring quarters? -OMG, goats have the weirdest pupils