@Underchilde: Can’t believe tomorrow is Take Your Alcohol to Work Day.
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@I_Bl33d_Purple: When I die, someone, please attend my funeral dressed as the Grim Reaper and just stand there and don't say a word. Thanks.
@Diane_7A: Twitter has no plot, millions of characters, & it never ends. Basically, it's a "Hobbit" movie.
@WilliamAder: My second account is trying to drive a wedge of suspicion between me and my Twitter crush.
@stormy_hero: [at wedding] "I now pronounce you husband and wife." Couple kisses *yelling from the back row "AWKWAAAARD"