@joshcomers: Can't find my belt so I'll just need to get fatter.
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@ItsAndyRyan: Unfortunately, the house having 'period features' turned out to mean we had to get the decorators in once a month.
@SteveInevitable: When I'm looking for a parking spot I turn the radio down because clearly I can see better when it's quieter...
@Chumpstring: I let people know that I'm no weirdo. I say "I'm no weirdo!" From that point forward, it's just a matter of keeping my mouth off their pets.