@joshcomers: Can't find my belt so I'll just need to get fatter.
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@GingerHotDish: Daughter: Do you think Freddie Mercury and Edgar Allen Poe would get along? Me: Huh? Daughter: Cuz he's just a Poe boy from a Poe family.
@taylorhosey1: How can people get engaged after dating less than a year? You haven't seen their fall wardrobe yet and tbh it could be a deal breaker
@chris_witha_see: Mom, your tweets are mostly outdated pop culture references "yeah and I woulda gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids"
@KalvinMacleod: Dave is coming over. Dave from work or loud and obvious Dave? Outside: THIS RAIN HAS MADE ME WET. I AM WEARING PANTS. MY EYES ARE BLINKING.