@joshcomers: Can't find my belt so I'll just need to get fatter.
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@richforri: I like Tweets that are so good that when I send them to FB my old friends won't talk to me on the phone for a week.
@heatherlou_: *slips seductively out of shorts* You know what that means... *sleeps soundly for 7 hours* *drools a little*
@TheMichaelRock: Why are people pissed off that Justin Bieber smoked some weed? It's not like he released another album or anything.