@joshcomers: Can't find my belt so I'll just need to get fatter.
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@rickkondell: The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.
@JediGigi: Hot guy just walked up to me and said I was pretty so naturally I pulled out a Sharpie and drew a star on his forehead.
@10InchesPlus: The hoodie & shorts combo outfit, because you almost understand how body heat works.
@iwearaonesie: *wife spends all morning convincing son not to be afraid of the dentist* "Dad are you coming too?" Hell no dentists scare the shit out of me