@hmmmmmnope: Can't find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
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@UNTRESOR: Dad, who's Daniel Day-Lewis? *Dad peers out the blinds* He could be anyone, son. *Mom starts weeping* He could be anyone.
@ObscureGent: Mother in law just said global warming with air quotes. It's going to be a long night.
@MentalAbortions: Why would I want to quit smoking? Oh, to live longer. Why would I want to live longer?
@HallpassCanada: You know you're getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.