@hmmmmmnope: Can't find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
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@Ygrene: [Being murdered] (with every stab, i move my body so that the murderer strikes acupuncture points which, to his dismay, makes me feel great)
@trojansauce: ME:*lying*omg i have an identical twin too DATE:wow we should all meet up [cut to us at a house of mirrors] DATE: your brother is quiet
@TheTweetOfGod: Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll add to the global overdepletion of the oceans. So just give him the fish.
@BrainFumbles: How to get a woman: 1) find one who sells cars 2) take a test drive 3) just keep driving She's yours now, plus you have a new car.