@garrettbarry70: Can't sleep knowing there's a Toblerone in the mini bar.
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@LurkAtHomeMom: People who aren't entombed in 8 feet of snow, what's it like to live in a tropical paradise?
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: M: If my chip:salsa ratio isn't perfectly even, I will burn down this restaurant, I swear to God. H: This is our house. M: I SWEAR TO GOD!
@samalmightysam: Breaking: CNN confirms planes need fuel to fly. In other news, scientist confirm brains are not needed to work at CNN.
@TheDailySchmuck: Him: It should be illegal for white people to wear dreads. Me: Are you Italian, my brother? Him: No. Me: Then no more pizza for you.