@RobinMcCauley: Can't stop thinking about really disturbing things today, like what if they had called him Illinois Jones.
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@aveuaskew: If you hit a car that is blaring Christmas music before Thanksgiving, it will deploy tinsel instead of airbags.
@ddsmidt: You would think my neighbors would appreciate me petting their dogs every day. But nooooo, they’re too worried about how I keep getting into their house.
@EricaWhoToYou: Husband: I’d rather sleep in the guest room than suffer another night on your new heated mattress pad. Me: Wait. I’m getting my own room???
@slimmy_shady: Never eat ice cream while chatting online. Sister: why are you typing so slowly Me: well my other hands busy. She hasnt replied yet.