@kennyflorian: Can't trust CNN? Next thing ya know Nigerian royalty sending me emails will be fake.
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@TheCatWhisprer: I'd rather get killed by the Blair Witch on the first night than have to camp another night.
@Playing_Dad: Boss: Did you bring the reports? Me: Hold on. *reaches into pockets and pulls out two middle fingers* Boss: I resign. You're the boss now.
@Twtercide: Him: Wtf is wrong with you? *remembers when I sold my soul to Satan for more Oreos Me: I'm just really tired.