@ReneeHooray: Can't wait for it to get dark earlier so I can pick my nose in traffic.
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@TheToddWilliams: Kid: WAAAHH! MY TOY IS BROKEN!! Dad: Nothing a little duct tape won't fix... Kid: mfflr..frrrr..strnnn
@CroweJam: I wear a cape when I'm driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I'm going somewhere to fight crime.
@SlabBaconBP: I find that the secret to not being insecure is to just be better than everybody at everything while being incredibly good looking.
@novicefather: Pro tip: If a woman asks you how she looks, the correct answer is not "like Dan Aykroyd."