@omgthatspunny: Can't wait to get my first kiss this Christmas under the missile toe 😘😂
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@Darlainky: *slips cheat map to my favorite nephew for the annual Easter egg hunt* Now remember, I get half the take.
@RxitWounds: *Power goes out* Wife: I can't see! *Shoes light up* Me: Ha! Whose shoes were "a waste of money" & "clearly meant for a large child" now?!
@mikeleffingwell: It's weird how after they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together the King's men were like "Let's give the horses a shot at it"