@omgthatspunny: Can't wait to get my first kiss this Christmas under the missile toe 😘😂
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@Beerhaze: My oldest is 14 today. Daddy's baby is growing up. Soon she'll start looking for boyfriends and find them all dead under the floor boards.
@TheMichaelRock: 12yo: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What's wrong with the one we live in? 12yo: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son.
@Rob_Firm: Mannequin challenge but me just standing in the kitchen, in the dark, holding the ice cream container as my wife walks by unaware.