@jwoodham: Can't wait to say "I haven't seen you since last year!" to everyone I see next week. I'm a very popular person with thousands of friends.
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@KalvinMacleod: ME (pulling wishbone): I won WIFE: what'd u wish for? M: uh world peace W: Nice *human-sized bacon strip walks into kitchen* Hey, what’s up?
@Celestinelea90: My heart says cheese dip but my jeans say for the love of god woman eat some celery.
@sween: If I had a time machine, I'd go back in time to just before a famous person was supposed to be assassinated and borrow money from them.