@jwoodham: Can't wait to say "I haven't seen you since last year!" to everyone I see next week. I'm a very popular person with thousands of friends.
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@pleatedjeans: Fear not, ugly caterpillar. For one day you will become a beautiful butterfly [emerges from cocoon] AH WTF I'M A MOTH THIS IS BULLSHIT
@WilliamAder: I think Diane knows I was her Secret Santa at this morning's office party, because this afternoon I had to borrow my stapler back from her.
@punmagnate: What idiot called it a meal of light colored carnival bus tickets of appropriate price and not a fair fair fair fare fare
@SamuelHLowe: - You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma'am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?