@GibJimson: Capri Sun taught me how to stab with accuracy.
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@ramenfuneral: when i was a kid, i thought getting arrested for shoplifting meant getting in trouble for trying to carry a store like popeye or something
@bmarked21: Don't expect me to tweet between 8 & 9 pm because that's when I dress like Madonna for an hour and dance provocatively in front of my pets.
@daemonic3: [spelling bee] Your word is 'golfed' "May I have it in a sentence please?" Sure. He golfed with a tee. "G-O-L-F-T"