@GibJimson: Capri Sun taught me how to stab with accuracy.
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@SamTR7: *Superman put glasses on Mt. Rushmore faces* Lois Lane: "What the heck?? Who are those people up there?"
@SadieSmithRoks: Next time my cat has some friends over, I'm going to puke right next to where they are sitting and see how she likes it.
@trojansauce: GOLDFISH: i swear i'll have your money by tomorrow GOLDFISH MOBSTER: what money? GOLDFISH: who are you? GOLDFISH MOBSTER: where's my mon
@InternetHippo: [i get a phone call] "Hi we'd like to talk to you about your tweets" ME: Wow thank you but I don't do interviews "This is the police"