@TrainedHedonist: Car trouble, miss? Allow me to squint, and posture heroically while staring at your labyrinthine engine as panic cascades through my spine.
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@ramblinma: All these people training for marathons and I'm over here, on my couch, trying to lasso the remote with my phone charger.
@Storminika: Me: "Dude, I brought another dress for you to clean." Dry cleaner: *takes off headphone* "Sorry, come again?" Me: "No, mustard."
@gerryhallcomedy: Two years ago I became a proud father. My son is 6, but he was kinda lame those first four years.