@: a:2:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:"user";s:8:"kelkulus";s:5:"image";s:90:"http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/3278807262/1fcf70b5a66e936d490699028532762d_bigger.jpeg";s:6:"id_str";s:18:"349217384227287041";s:7:"retweet";s:3:"159";s:5:"tweet";s:88:"I've discovered I can turn invisible, but it's involuntary and only works on bartenders.";}s:7:"retweet";i:0;}

@mrsmith196645: I've concluded English is my phone's second language. It's the only explanation for all the bizarre autocorrects and typos that plague me.

@moose_chocolate: This morning I waved to the garbage men and smiled at coworkers in the elevator and now I'm pretty sure my wife is drugging my coffee.

@BoogTweets: *ref blows whistle* Whistle: oh, oh god, wow. Oh geeeze

@FunnyMojoJojo: Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving...