@AngelaLovesNY: Cardinals are fornicating on my porch again! The birds...not the religious robey dudes.
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@Stellacopter: When I'm out with my kids and I see an x-boyfriend I like to scare him by saying "Don't make eye contact with daddy."
@CastAwayKristen: Me: Dropped my phone & now screen doesn’t work. Help forum: Should’ve had a better case. Apparently, my mother works in Samsung support now.
@Love_bug1016: I'm not saying I hate you but if you were on fire I'd bring sticks and marshmallows.
@astutenewf: YOU SHOULD BE CALLED JEHOVAH'S FITNESS! I yell as I lose my breath chasing them down the street.