@SCbchbum: Careful, the circular motion you make with your hand to tell someone to roll down their car window is giving away your age.
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@PaperWash: [wife gets home] did you feed the baby his spinach today? [me doing push ups] hell no I'm not letting that baby get stronger than me
@CornOnTheGoblin: "You promise you didn't get me bees again" [me from a distance] just open it
@Anon_imosity: I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday. Not a great gift I know, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it