@Elizasoul80: Cargo pants are for when you want to wear khakis, but also want to be a backpack.
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@jazmasta: *i get on a rollercoaster with my washing machine* "Hold tight son...WAIT! If u are here then.." *son is at home w/ a mouth full of laundry*
@Reverend_Scott: [blind date] (don't let her know ur a dog walker) "So what do u do?" Well, I'm like a- [13 dogs jump up on the table and eat her dinner]
@BoogTweets: Her: *slaps grilled cheese from my hand* I'm leaving you! Me: *slowly removes emergency grilled cheese from my pocket*
@SincerelyMen: "Seize the day" in Latin is "Carpe Diem" ..."Seize the day" in Douchebag is "YOLO"