@krisv_723: Carol learned a hard lesson the day she forgot the word berry when googling blueberry waffle recipes.
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@joeyfullystated: Stranger man at the beach asked me, "Y'all got a boat?" I said we have three, but they're old Fisher-Price models. It took him a moment.
@hazelmotes1: Having children really brought me and my wife closer together. We have a common enemy now.
@david8hughes: [in ambulance] "Sir, do you know your blood type?" "Yeah [coughs & points to wound] red."