@krisv_723: Carol learned a hard lesson the day she forgot the word berry when googling blueberry waffle recipes.
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@murrman5: [looks up from laptop while updating résumé] son, you're good with computers "I'm alright" how do I find pictures of mean looking dinosaurs?
@robin_991: 6yo: I wish I was a bird so I could poop on peoples heads. 7yo: why do you need to be a bird? my 7yo is ready for twitter.
@ScottLinnen: Someone robbed a Pensacola WallMart of 300 cases of Red Bull. How do these people sleep at night.
@JohnLyonTweets: Sorry I overreacted when we both reached for the last piece of pecan pie. I had no idea a fork could penetrate so far into a human forearm.