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@alispagnola: Carpe DM
@malber: I totally baby-proofed my house, but one still got in.
@freebirdy31: I said I was sorry three times looking in the mirror and now I'm in Canada
@mattZillaaaa: [job interview]
"So what are your goals for working here?"
To be home by 5
@SteveSuckington: [Shopping with teen son]
*sees hot girl*
*waits until she gets close*
*grabs box of adult diapers*
"How are you doing on Depends bud?"
@joeljeffrey: I'm not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.