@JimmerThatisAll: Carpenters are only in it for them shelves.
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@RobocopLust: 911: 911. What's your emergency? Me: I'm bleeding profusely. 911: Sir, this line is reserved for joke formats. Me: ...
@pattymo: Sinbad isn’t just a comedian’s name - it’s also an extremely short summary of The Bible
@Thynebear: [baby takes its first steps] me in a cop outfit: not even close to a straight line buddy, you're going away for a long long time.