@JimmerThatisAll: Carpenters are only in it for them shelves.
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@bananagrvyrd: Just spent 5 minutes waving my hands in front of a manual paper towel dispenser if anyone needs someone to take their SAT exam for them.
@EJGomez: [sees a baby spit up after drinking from baby bottle] "lmao yo who invited the lightweight"
@DirtMcTurd: Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times? I tried that with my dishwasher and she ended up pregnant.