@Tmoney68: Carrot raisin salad. When you want to eat something horrible, 3 times.
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@InternetHippo: MATH PROBLEM: If you give half of your apple to a friend, what do you have? ME (through tears): A…a friend
@ObscureGent: If Michael Jackson wasn't buried in his Thriller outfit, who will teach the zombies to dance in the upcoming apocalypse.
@amazymay72x: *coughs like a maniac* *pretends to pick nose* *scratches armpit* Things I will do on the bus so no one will sit next to me.
@iamfase: The greatest trick Facebook ever pulled was to convince the world we actually want to keep in touch with people we went to school with.