@RealCarrotFacts: Carrots cant float. But if you tie fishy wire to one and hang it in the air and look at it from far away, it almost look like its floating
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@erikbransteen: The #AshleyMadisonHack is getting out of hand. Site just revealed that I've been cheating on my diet. I'm not even sure how they'd know that
@Jeff_G_Nixon: "Ha-ha who me? Oh, I put ketchup on everything!" CAR SALESMAN: please stop putting ketchup on these Buicks.
@silent_musings: Next time you see someone you don't like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
@sarcasticmommy4: 13: Mom, you look younger every day. M: What do you want? 13: A new skateboard. M: How young? 13: 29 M: Done.