@shawnries: Cars should have a thing where if you drive around with your blinker on for too long, they explode.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: I missed chicken nugget day at daycare. Me: So? 5-year-old: My life is falling apart.
@Brampersandon_: ME: *to friend* you're dumb as a box of rocks lol BOX OF ROCKS: *putting finishing touches on his astrophysics thesis* dude
@WorkaholicBlake: There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable
@Discourt: INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. I REPEAT. INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. HOLD THE DUCKFACES. HOLD THE MEALS. HOLD EVERYTHING.