@ellentee: Cashier: I love your lip gloss!
Me: Thanks, it's food court teriyaki chicken glaze.
@FinnMcIver: our teacher used to make us do 100 lines if we'd been naughty. my nose was wrecked at the end of it
@nettie0918: I'm already an idiot, I just need a village
@mean_crow: hey don't shoot me, i'm just the messenger! oh the letter says to shoot me? okay th-
@kevinrowe1: I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
@Burtslorp: FB lets you write your sex in now, so I have officially become a hat.