@jewfacekilla: MTVs Teen Mom has been cancelled. At least one person on that network knows when to pull out.

@Smooheed: If you've ever wondered what it's like to try to dress a jelly fish, here, try to get pants on my toddler

@thepunningman: Hansel: What if we get lost? Gretel: We'll just leave a trail of breadcrumbs to follow Duck: Good idea Hansel: Gretel: Duck: I mean quack

@Parkerlawyer: *buys almond milk* "I'm gonna get healthy!" *drinks almond milk* "This is gross." *pours Hershey's chocolate syrup in milk* "Perfect."

@RxitWounds: *Sits straight up in bed* "THE CHILDREN" *Kids are sitting in the produce department while two watermelons sleep peacefully in their beds*