@StephenAtHome: Netflix is raising its monthly rates?! Man, whoever's password I'm using has got to be pissed.

@ElgatoEsmio: I saved time doing yard work by renaming the weeds "plants"

@HomeProbably: Instead of just answering the phone when it rings, I prefer to wonder why the hell someone's calling me and glare at it until it goes away.

@sarah1mc: I hate when I'm telling my best friend a story and she gets all judgmental and walks off to get a drink from her water bowl.

@britt_anylynn: The sign at the McDonald's I just passed says "We hiring" in case you're wondering what kind of qualifications you need to have to be hired.