@clindsaysway: Cat doesn't realize if he succeeds in tripping me on the way downstairs to feed him, we all die.
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@qwertying: Husband: Why are there broken condoms on our couch? Wife: Would you please call our children by their real names.
@markedly: BANK: Someone made fraudulent charges w/ ur debit card ME: How'd you know it wasn't me B: They entered the PIN correctly 1st try M: Dear god
@Manda_like_wine: 1000s flocked to NJ to see the Virgin Mary in a tree trunk. But, don't judge them, friends. When was the last time you saw a virgin in NJ?