@clindsaysway: Cat doesn't realize if he succeeds in tripping me on the way downstairs to feed him, we all die.
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@WheelTod: [Hospital] Me:How's my dad? Dr:I'm afraid he's in critical condition *shout from inside room "You've never lived to up to your potential!"
@Papa_Mex: I bet Vegans that become zombies must really struggle with the whole brain-eating lifestyle...
@stefani6124: I love it when I run into people I know at my psychiatrist's office... Because I'm like, "Hey, you're crazy too? Cool."
@david8hughes: [interrogation] "How do u kno the deceased?" I was his drug dealer. "Louder for the tape?" [leans in] I was his rug feeler. Tested his rugs.