@McNarstle: Catch a baby opossum, give it a 12-hr sedative, and hide it in the glove compartment of the car of the person who's dating your ex.
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@KeetPotato: ghosts in movies are stupid if i was a ghost id be in the bahamas but they're just like "lets stay here and move pots and pans"
@KentWGraham: I saved a ton of money on cool sports cars, vacation getaways and NFL season tickets by having children.
@tastefactory: COP: We have reports of u blasting music. ME: Sorry I'll keep the Metallica down COP: We were told it was Britney Spears "Lucky." On repeat.