@bamb00zld: Catfishing my ex... So you could say we're back together.
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@notfaizzy: Me: hello, police? I think I'm living with a murderer! Last night, she came home with a body... Crap! She just came in. Cat: *meow*
@WheelTod: "Pick a card, any card, make sure you memorize it, now put it back with the rest": me, with my wife at the Hallmark Store on Valentine's Day