@SCbchbum: Cats always have an expression like they ordered 2 of everything on Amazon with your credit card while you were at work.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Pro_Jones_: Me: Mozart was a great composer, but now that he's dead he's a great Wife: I swear to God I'll divorce you Me: *through tears* Decomposer.
@foodandwhining: People with eyebrow, nose, and lip piercings always look like they landed face-first into a tackle box.
@YesImMatt: A woman could tweet "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I'm not dead ;)"
@F5X11: I send flowers "From Steve" to my neighbors wife every Friday night, then watch them fight from my living room window while eating popcorn