@SCbchbum: Cats always have an expression like they ordered 2 of everything on Amazon with your credit card while you were at work.
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@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: *spells out words so the kids won’t know what she is saying* ME: [to the kids] I don’t know either.
@JessObsess: I just wish I was rich enough to be able to throw all of the pots and pans away after I cook.
@gigglegirlnoel: If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.