@daemonic3: Cats always land on their feet & bread always lands butter down, but spread butter on the cat's back & everyone wonders why you're naked.
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@GoldenSpirals: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and everyone knew, you were still out shopping, yes, it sucks to be you.
@kumailn: 5 people hurt themselves by accidentally discharging guns at gun shows. Maybe the best way to handle gun nuts is to just let them have guns.