@daemonic3: Cats always land on their feet & bread always lands butter down, but spread butter on the cat's back & everyone wonders why you're naked.
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@behindyourback: Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn't hiring.
@WheelTod: I was so touched last week when a shopkeeper handed my 3yo a donut without checking with me, that today I gave his teen a bag of heroin.
@Cheeseboy22: I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream. This kid working at Baskin Robbins is pretty scared. Now he's crying in the corner.