@RobbySpankme: Cats are about as useful as a football bat.
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@truegritrumble: ACCOUNTANT: *taking a look at my books* These are just winky-face emojis. ME: Yep. ACCOUNTANT: I think I know why your business is failing.
@juliussharpe: Cologne - because people shouldn't have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.
@backporchlady: My black pants had more cat hair on them after they came out of the dryer. Guess I should check the dryer for cats before I start it.