@ScottLinnen: Cats are not mentioned in the Bible because they wrote it.
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@Ristolable: [Christopher Nolan on the set of Batman Begins] Great Batman voice, Christian! Terrific stuff! [aside] maybe Batman shouldn't talk
@illuminatedwndr: cop pulls me over 2nite. comes 2 my window n asks, Cop: "do you know y i pulled u over?" Me: "because Batman is catching all the criminals"
@3sunzzz: My husband called and asked if I could be naked before he gets home from work. I feel awkward sitting here with his mother, but whatever.
@pleatedjeans: Wife: for the last time buy a terrarium Me: [drops 7 lizards into my shirt] why they already have a home