@MdUNH: Cats are perfect for those who want to experience the indifference and hostility of the workplace in a pet.
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@haleysfalling: cop: are you high? me: if i was high could i do this? *vaults over car hood and does 360 no scope* cop: did you just say "asterisk vaults ov
@Dawn_M_: If you carry a knife in your mouth, people wont ask you what your Valentines Day plans are.
@DudeImShawn: Live today like it's your last. Pay your bills and wear a condom just in case it isn't.
@dafloydsta: [couples therapy] HER: He's always talking down to me ME: *heavy sigh* It's called being condescending but I doubt you knew that, Karen