@1Happytwit: Cats are weird. They look at you like they want to set you on fire then look all surprised when you toss them into the ceiling fan.
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@hazelmotes1: "They are more afraid of you than you are of them." -people who know even less about me than they do about bears
@CYComedy: Batman's Bat Signal was really banking on the fact that crimes only happened at night.
@9589smith: Son, I've made some questionable decisions in life & I must go away for awhile to face the consequences. How I tell my 5yo I'm off to poop
@13spencer: An Italian rugby player will miss a match against Scotland after being bitten by a dog; Scotland was quoted as saying "good boy."