@1Happytwit: Cats are weird. They look at you like they want to set you on fire then look all surprised when you toss them into the ceiling fan.
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@david8hughes: [soldier making lunch] Now for some avocado [grabs grenade] oh oh, if this is here then that means [cut to soldier taking cover for 5 hours]
@Molly_Kats: YOU TWEETED 23 TIMES TODAY. RT @realDonaldTrump People ask me what I do in my free time. The answer--I don't have any.
@alli_win: I'm convinced that Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
@SteveKoehler22: If you use a wrong word in a tweet and a grammar nazi loses his shit- Try these consoling words : "Their, there, they're. It'll be okay"