@1Happytwit: Cats don't come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can't put them in the washing machine.
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@Rollmaninoz: Coworker: you play any sports Me: yeah but I've had to take a break from it CW: oh..Injury? Me: *thinks about broken controller* yeah..kinda
@INDlAN_: [2:30AM] *it’s quite late now. Let’s make a call* *Hey Boss, are you sleepin?* [Yes you nerd, why?] *cause I’m still doing your stupid work*
@ErinEph: You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.