@Sveldtsmelt: Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
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@RickAaron: I hired a pizza chef as my new golf coach. One way or another the dude is gonna fix my slice.
@nPhelendriqal: A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
@amethystxmatt: turns out skrillexs music has healing properties: during a concert, a paralysed boy stood up and left
@RobertDuffy91: I refrain from jogging in the morning because according to Law & Order: SVU there is a 95% chance you'll find a dead body