@Sveldtsmelt: Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
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@s_cLaN07: My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.
@peachesanscream: My nephew told me all he wants for Christmas is his dead dog back. Can't WAIT to see his face when I wrap it up and stick it under the tree.
@QwertyJones3: "See that guy over there? I have to serve him with papers today." -Oh really? Why? "Because I lost my tennis racquet."
@kivtur: *steps out of the time machine* Me: what year is this? Wife: Stop playing with the washing machine.