@tastefactory: *cats pull on masks* This is the ultimate heist. Let's get those jewels. *cats immediately set off alarm trying to attack the laser beams*
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@leontymccarthy: I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
@DaddyJew: [buying college textbooks] That'll be 100 million dollars [returning college textbooks] We can give you half off on this pencil case
@autocorrects: Do I turn left when nothing is right? Or do I turn right when there's nothing left?