@tastefactory: *cats pull on masks* This is the ultimate heist. Let's get those jewels. *cats immediately set off alarm trying to attack the laser beams*
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@weismanjake: Strange that the people who make duck face in photos are the same ones who always refuse to eat bread
@nonsensetwit: If I had a daycare, I think it would be awesome to get each kid to wear one of those backpack-leash things and make them pull me on a sled.
@randomlawless: When you get to my age, your milkshake still brings boys to the yard, but they're like "I'm lactose intolerant."
@daemonic3: "Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight" - The Swiss Army