@timdonakowski: Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
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@Donna_McCoy: I update my Facebook picture to a jail mugshot over the holidays so my family will go visit someone else.
@CubanaMama82: If I wasn't supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn't have made it taste so good with orange juice.
@internetluke: [friend consoling me through bad break up] "You need to eat, Luke. You can't just sit there" *i start crying more* Karen & I used to eat