@kylamb16: "Cats typically sleep 16-20 hours per day."
Yes. Hi. I'm interested in the position.
@AmberTozer: Wish I had a neck like an owl so when a guy is spooning me right after sex I could turn my head all the way around and say that was awful
@daemonic3: Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
@kyle_thatisall: I like to say "good morning" to older people after 1pm & watch their face burn with the hate fire of a thousand suns for me & my generation.
@RobDenBleyker: Paula Deen should create her own brand of butter called I Can't Believe It's Not 1860.
@murrman5: [consoling widow] I was the one who put the kick me sign on your husband. I had no idea you owned a horse that can read