@HeyoShellz: Caught my kid forging my signature and I have to say, pretty good for a third grader
@DanMentos: "My homework ate my dog" -student in python breeding class
@wesjohnson8: My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
@i_theindian: When your nose is running and your feet smell, you are not sick you're just built upside down.
@NikiWithIssues: I don't see the point of being a godmother if the kid refuses to kiss my ring. I mean, what the hell?
@cazzawndruh: I literally use hyperbole seven billion times a day.