@lecalabara: Caught my son running a Google search for "adult entertainment". I was mortified. We are strictly a Bing family.
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@Jennuflect: Not tryin' to brag, but my sex life is like a dormant volcano. It was fiery, but now it's inactive. Also, I killed a bunch of villagers.
@causticbob: A survey shows that 20% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house and 80% kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife..
@ImJESSPlayin: Maybe, "only if you're taking me to dinner" wasn't the best response to, "is this going down?" to the guy on the elevator. Flirting is hard
@shadonium: Her: Show me your pics Me: Ok *blackberry restarts* *waiting* *gets married* *have kids* Son: Dad, your phone finished restarting *dies*