@loisandbea: Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
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@yonewt: Searching for that special woman to share my interest in candlelit dinners, walks on the beach, and losing my shit over inanimate objects
@evidentlyblonde: Open an ice cream shop with flavors like "don't be sad," "they're not worth it," "you deserve better" and see if people don't flock right in
@krustythe_klown: [12 doctors in a meeting] alright. which one of you idiots leaked the 1 weird tip to lose weight that doctors wont tell you. IDIOTS!
@ericsshadow: I get all my indisputable political facts from what my uncle Harold posts on Facebook. Like did u know Obama killed the last living unicorn?