@Classy_Cassy89: Cause of Death: Dropped full can of soda on baby toe.
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@WritingWilkie: The most embarrassing moment of my life was when I called my teacher "mom" during sex.
@rodney_at_large: If the final comments of your speech last 45 minutes, please don't preface them with "and lastly".
@iGreenMonk: Wish there was a pill I could put in a girl's drink, that would make her do my taxes.