@jessokfine: Cause of death: Very rough shirt tag
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@WilliamAder: Shattner didn't go to Nimoy's funeral, and Obama's been on the phone all weekend with the Vulcan ambassador, trying to smooth things over.
@Book_Krazy: "It's one of those new Hoverboards!" 9: Mom, this is just 2 Roombas taped together. "Don't be silly. Now go vacuum...I mean play upstairs"
@causticbob: I wrote 'DIVORCE', my wife wrote 'YES'. Tough way to find out, but at least I won our last game of Scrabble
@joejwest: ME: You've put on weight DRACULA: No I haven't. Prove it ME: When you fly, how many bats do you turn into? DRACULA: [deep sigh] A shitload