@SortaBad: Celebrating Easter by looking like I've been dead in a cave for the last 3 days
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@seanscrap: Got busted for shoplifting once in Canada and had to deal with their whole irritating Good Cop/Great Cop routine.
@heatherlou_: If I could teach my kid anything it would be do not attempt to lay on my face. Give me my personal space please, tiny leech.
@Tommytoughstuff: [Jail] INMATE: I killed a guy. SCOOBY DOO VILLAIN: I got caught trying to haunt an old warehouse by a bunch of teenagers and a talking dog.
@dorkwing_duck: Young God: ok, a little hydrogen and- *chemistry set explodes* Mom: what was that?! God: nothing! *scoops resulting universe into shoebox*