@SortaBad: Celebrating Easter by looking like I've been dead in a cave for the last 3 days
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@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Your resume says you're paranoid." Me: "My resume has been talking behind my back?"
@GrandadJFreeman: Niggas be like I want a girl that rocks Jordan's, plays video games, and watches sports with me" wtf? You want a boyfriend nigga
@CornerPubRon: My computer is frozen. Unfortunately it looks like moving my mouse around in circles did absolutely nothing to fix the problem.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: We need to go to the store. We’re out of milk. Me: We can wait a few days. Wife: We’re out of beer. Me: *dives in the car*