@TheTweetOfGod: Celebrity dumping an ice bucket on himself to raise money? Cute. Humanity dumping an ice cap on itself to raise sea levels? HILARIOUS.
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@TheRolo: [Dollar Store Interview] "What are your qualifications?" [Slides over a dollar] "Cashier job is yours" [Slides $2] "Welcome to Management"
@too_chihuahua: "How much are these glasses?" "$150 sir" "I guess you could say" *puts on sunglasses* *runs out without another word*
@McGunnersite: We are gathered here today because Somebody "glares at coffin " couldn't stay alive.