@TheTweetOfGod: Celebrity dumping an ice bucket on himself to raise money? Cute. Humanity dumping an ice cap on itself to raise sea levels? HILARIOUS.
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@duumb: [kidnapper asking for ransom] pay by 6 pm or i start sending u his fingers [gf trying to unlock my phone] can u start with his right thumb
@omgthatspunny: It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it