@TheTweetOfGod: Celebrity dumping an ice bucket on himself to raise money? Cute. Humanity dumping an ice cap on itself to raise sea levels? HILARIOUS.
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@DistractedMomma: Can one of you please tell my ex husband that I died? I feel like it would be more believable coming from someone other than me.
@NikiWithIssues: Don't worry, officer, this isn't my blood. Really, stop searching me! I feel fine!
@SuperDuperDook: The last 60+ Miss Universe pageant winners have been from earth I don't know man, seems fixed.
@MarkAgee: I feel like Donald Trump and Bill Clinton have a $1 bet that Trump can make Hillary president and Bill can make her not president.