@realHamOnWry: Cell phones are like babies now ... except, nobody leaves their phone with a stranger while they go off to work.
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@SortaBad: Every time I'm at a friend's house I look at the ceiling & say "You like to watch, don't you.." so I look cool if they have a hidden spy cam
@QwertyJones3: The woman who sits next to me at work just told someone she's surrounded by idiots. I feel bad for her.
@Angibangie: 6 yo: Can I have your water Mommy? - No, that's vodka. Don't touch it. And don't try to dilute it with water when you're 16 I invented that
@_Water_Baby: My TC promised me he likes it rough so, of course, I bought him a plane ticket. On United.