@realHamOnWry: Cell phones are like babies now ... except, nobody leaves their phone with a stranger while they go off to work.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@shesxridiculous: If I was a waitress, I would plant fake engagement rings in every girls champagne glass, just to watch the boyfriends panic.
@mic22ken: I’m babysitting my 2 yr old nephew today and when I told him he couldn’t eat ice cream for breakfast he told me “you’re not my best friend anymore” so we compromised and now he’s on his second bowl of ice cream and I’ve gained the title “best friend in the whole wide world”
@jakefromstfarm3: If you are farther than me in candy crush I will automatically think you are smarter than me.
@DurtMcHurtt: Me: *quickly flips through each layer of a Big Mac like a wad of cash* McDonald's employee: [nervously assuring me] it's all there I swear.