@WheelTod: Cement your reputation as the office Romeo by committing suicide over an underage girl you've been seeing for less than a week.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Nothing makes sex more awkward than realizing your kid is awake... and standing outside your door... and playing the harmonica.
@botandy: google logo keeps changing its appearance because it killed a man in Tampa in 1999 and has to stay ahead of the law
@Dawn_M_: He said I reminded him of the girl from The Ring. We laughed and laughed, and then I put an axe in his back and ate his soul.