@ThingsJackDigs: Chainsaws: because "The Texas Weed-whacker Massacre" just wasn't scary enough
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@WittySassBasket: I held up a fist for a CW to bump and she kissed my ring. I am now drunk on power and no one is allowed to make eye contact.
@wallin_monica: My 5y/o just threw a 15 min fit because she doesn't want me to get old. I had to tell her if she took a bath it would help me stay young
@causticbob: I started a petition to ban people from collecting autographs. So far I've got 50,000 signatures.
@WilliamAder: Twitter announced today that they've lost 134 million dollars this year. I don't know if they want us to look for it or what the deal is.