@ei8htiesbaby: Chalant isn't even a word. Well played nonchalant. Well played.
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@LostCatDog: Waiter: Hi! Our special today is macaroni or cheese! Me: Wait - did you say 'or' cheese? Waiter: *lifts shirt, reveals gun* Look, I'm a cop
@briangaar: Girl can I ask you a question *gets down on one knee* would you like to make $8,000 a week working from home
@CornOnTheGoblin: me: [performing autopsy] so I've been practicing my ventriloquism assistant: now's not the time corpse: aw come on