@ei8htiesbaby: Chalant isn't even a word. Well played nonchalant. Well played.
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@iGreenMonk: Baked turkey for 4 and a half days - instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108! #MyProblem
@TheToddWilliams: [deathbed] ME: Dear? WIFE: I'm here...don't worry, all your affairs are in order ME: You found out about my affairs? WIFE: What? ME: What?