@birbigs: Chamomile tea makes chamomile pee.
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@Ygrene: Me (young, foolish): refrigerator may I have a few ice cubes? Refrigerator (old, wise): one or one-thousand, there is no few
@themorris23: Is it just me, or do toasters have like 4 settings too many? They should have 1 setting that reads: "Toast"
@internetluke: [interview for fireman] "So why do you think you're a good fireman?" I lit the building on fire "What?" Now watch as I try to put it out